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Too Hot to Date

Too Hot to Date

It’s hot in Jerusalem.

The kind of heat that just grips you in a big ole bear hug and doesn’t let you go.

The kind of scorcher that turns a white Ashkenazi girl like me – better suited for the frigid climate of Siberia than the blazing heat of the Mediterranean – into the color of pickled ginger.

And don’t you worry, I use sun block. Oh do I use sunblock. Especially on my currently unlined face, mostly because soon after I arrived in Israel and went to a bbq this woman hissed at me, "I used to look like you when I first got here, but just you wait, the sun and life here take its toll."

She was angry because a man her age – late 40s – was ignoring her and hitting on me. And honestly, I didn’t blame her. What was he doing talking to me?

Which is another way of saying, I went straight from the bbq to the health food store and stocked up on expensive sun block.

Not that the block prevents this feeling of ennui. This total heat exhaustion. The kind of lethargy that means I can barely crawl to yoga and then afterwards, it’s all I can do not to spend the entire evening lying prone on the cool, cool tiles with my dog, Mr. Trevor.

Which is another way of saying, Who can handle dating in this heat?

I try. I really do.

I talked to this one guy from Jdate and practically fell asleep mid-conversation. Dull-sville incarnate. And I don’t care what most people say: Sometimes you do know if you aren’t right for someone.

Then there is the young pup who picked me up at a party, G-d bless him. But who has the energy in this heat to run to Tel Aviv to see him? Not moi. I don’t put much stock in this one, anyway.

"What about that break you were going to take?" asked my neighbor.

I was sitting on my porch, reading Haaretz. Trevor was nearby on cat patrol.

"I forgot about my break!" I said, slapping my forehead.

Because I had decided to take a sabbatical from it all. Because the honest truth is, all this effort I expend is futile. I am like the gerbil peddling furiously around the wheel. Expending lots of energy but getting nowhere.

So this heat is the perfect excuse to lay low. I am starting to give up hope anyway. And this way I don’t have to constantly put myself out there and feel so dejected when nothing comes of it.

This way, I am conserving energy and also, you know, reducing my carbon footprint, which is another way of saying, I’m so Green, it’s against my principles to keep going out on wasteful dates!

In other words, folks, I am outta commission.

At least until the next date…

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