Today’s Guest Blogger: God

Today’s Guest Blogger: God

The New Yorker’s exhaustive report on the killing of Osama is undoubtedly the magazine’s coup this week. This morning, a day after the new issue hit newstands, I woke up to the reporter, Nicholas Schmidle, being interviewed on "Morning Joe." There was talk about a book dea, but if Schmidle’s piece is the keeper this week, then perhaps it’ll have one deleterious effect: people will forget about the Shouts & Murmurs section, where the magazine puts it short humor piece each week.

That’d be a travesty because this week’s is a real gem. The screenwriter Paul Simms ("Boardwalk Empire," "Flight of the Concords," the Harvard Lampoon) writes a writes a hilarious version of a blog, as if it were written by God. The Great Unkownable actually only gets one entry–"UPDATE: Pretty pleased with what I’ve come up with in just six days. Going to take tomorrow off. Feel free to check out what I’ve done so far. Suggestions and criticism (constructive, please!) more than welcome. God out."

The rest is commentary. And it’s hilarious: 24 anonymous comments follow God’s sole blog update, and, thankfully, they’re all free online. But in case you’re pressed for time, here’s a short sample:

Not enough action. Needs more conflict. Maybe put in a whole bunch more people, limit the resources, and see if we can get some fights going. Give them different skin colors so they can tell each other apart.


The dodo should just have a sign on him that says, “Please kill me.” Ridiculous.


Unfocussed. Seems like a mishmash at best. You’ve got creatures that can speak but aren’t smart (parrots). Then, You’ve got creatures that are smart but can’t speak (dolphins, dogs, houseflies). Then, You’ve got man, who is smart and can speak but who can’t fly, breathe underwater, or unhinge his jaws to swallow large prey in one gulp. If it’s supposed to be chaos, then mission accomplished. But it seems more like laziness and bad planning.

And one more:

Putting boobs on the woman is sexist.

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