Let’s just cut the chase: The guy’s married.
Of course he’s married! They are always, but always, married!
So you would think by now that I would have caught on.
As my friend, Emily Dickinson said, “Hope is the thing with feathers.”
So when my other friend, the one who really is a friend, came rushing into my office with the breaking news that there was a “very cute” man in our boss’s office and he was single, I reacted appropriately.
“He is not single!” I said. “He’s definitely married!”
But my friend insisted. She had talked to him a few times on the phone and did some reconnaissance and he is absolutely single.
So naturally I followed her back to her office and peeked into the boss’s office to check out my new boyfriend. Let’s just say cute is the understatement of the century.
“Are you sure he’s straight?” I asked. “He’s too good looking to be straight.”
She insisted he was straight.
“Are you sure he’s not married?” I asked again, dumbfounded.
“He is!” she said.
I felt vindicated but a little crestfallen. “So he is married, then?” I asked.
“No, he’s American!”
She suggested I put on a little lipstick and trot back to my office because she had a plan. Now before I share with you her grand plan let me say on the record that when this girlfriend says she has a plan, what this means is this is the latest plan. Because she, G-d bless her, has been working tirelessly to find me a man ever since she met me. The woman should get paid over-time.
Which is another way of saying, she even followed some poor shmo up the elevator who came in for a job interview. After she saw where he was headed, she quickly called her contact in that office and asked if he was single.
He was not.
Like I said, they never are.
But this time, she insisted, things were different.
She told me to sit tight and as soon as the meeting let out, she would engage the Cute One in conversation and, paper in hand, lead him into my office where the printer is. And lo and behold, right to me!
Not a bad plan, huh?
To up the ante a bit, I suggested that when she brings him in, I would have his Facebook page open on my computer. I mean, who doesn’t love a stalker?
But, surprise, surprise, things did not go exactly as planned. Which is another way of saying, the boss escorted him out of the office.
Foiled by the boss!
As soon as the guy was safely out of ear shot, we rushed at our boss and a colleague who was in the meeting with the question of the day: Was he or wasn’t he?
They looked at us in complete disbelief.
“The guy was wearing a wedding ring the size of Texas,” was basically their response, only since this is Israel, they did not reference the lonestar state.
But my friend wasn’t buying it. “I still think he’s single,” she said.
She promised to do a little more legwork on it and get back to me.