The problem of anti-Semitism was all but eradicated yesterday when billionaire Michael Bloomberg and socialist Bernie Sanders both said they would agree to pair up on the Democratic presidential ballot in November.
Explosions heard in basements and attics across the country turned out to be the heads of young white supremecists absorbing the news on Reddit and 4Chan.
Leading anti-Semites rushed to their laptops to report the news of the pact between “the blood-sucking Zio Rothschild who ran Jew York City” and the “Cuba-loving commie Hebe who’d take away your guns and religion.” Moments later their brains apparently detonated, police say.
The headless body of Richards Panzer, a leading white supremacist, was found in front of his computer in a Seattle Starbucks. On the screen were the words of a half-written tweet, “The Jews will not replace ussss………”
Only a few anti-Semites apparently survived the epidemic of spontaneous cranial combustion. Former White House aide and alt-right hero Stone Bananas is said to be in critical condition after being found on a Washington, D.C., sidewalk glassy-eyed and muttering, “Globalists, globalists…”
The Anti-Denigration League said it would shift its focus away from the dwindling problem of anti-Semitism and instead concentrate on attacks on it from fellow Jewish organizations.
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