Orthodox Actors Plan Oscars Boycott
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Orthodox Actors Plan Oscars Boycott

Hollywood — The Union of Orthodox Jewish Actors and Entertainers announced yesterday that it plans to boycott the 88th annual Academy Awards ceremony because no Orthodox Jews were nominated for their work in this year’s crop of movies.

“It’s a shanda!” (Yiddish for OMG), exclaimed UOJAE president and veteran actor Menashe Shulnik, speaking from the group’s headquarters in the basement of the Shill Shul, located at the corner of Challahwood and Wine.

“Frum actors matter!” Shulnik shouted, banging his hand emphatically on a shtender—a tall wooden lectern. “We’ve been abused by the Academy long enough! We’re mad as hell, and we’re not going to take this anymore! Well, maybe just a little more, but then that’s definitely it!”

Shulnik gave several examples of what he perceived as injustices, including actors who were forced to change their names in Hollywood because they sounded “too Jewish.”

“Doniel Horowitz had to be clipped to Don Ho, just to break into this business!” Shulnik fumed. “Shlomo Barmitzvahpen was morphed to Sean Penn. And Don Nazihunter became simply Don Knotts. What chutzpah!”

Shulnik said the only way the UOJAE might cancel its boycott is if the Academy agreed to recite Kaddish following the “In Memoriam” video that pays tribute to actors who died during the past year.

The news conference ended abruptly when a reporter informed Shulnik that the 88th Academy Awards were held last month, making a boycott of the ceremony impossible.

“Gevalt!” Shulnik screamed as he stormed out of the shul, “Another Academy insult!”

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