Washington, D.C. — J Street, the pro-Israel, pro-peace, propane and pro-forma lobby, announced today that the observance of the ancient Jewish holiday of Purim only serves to further alienate Jews from their Iranian and Arab enemies who seek to destroy them.
“Jews should not be reveling in the deaths of Persians that took place thousands of years ago,” Jeremy (Uncle) Ben asserted.
“After all, how would Jews like it if Arabs reveled in their misfortunes?”
Informed that many Arabs do revel in Jewish misfortunes, he replied: “Oh,” and later said he never claimed otherwise.
Uncle Ben explained that J Street specifically sought to ban the wearing of Purim costumes by Jewish children, as well as the general spirit of gleefulness demonstrated by Jewish adults.
“Our official Purim policy is Don’t Mask, Don’t Kvell,” he insisted.