Washington, D.C. — In a stunning turnabout in international detente, President Obama and Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu announced their intention to marry in a brief ceremony to be held before another joint session of Congress on Purim.
“The sexual tension between us has been building for years,” acknowledged Obama. “We’ve had our quarrels, as lovers do, but finally we just had to be honest and express how we truly felt about each other.”
Standing beside the president, a similarly exuberant Netanyahu burst out, “I adore him and can’t live without him. Why do you think we’ve had so many private meetings over the years?”
In lieu of an engagement ring, the Israeli leader proudly displayed an executive order issued by Obama directing the U.S. Air Force to “bomb the Hell” out of Iran.
“Sanctions, shmanctions” said Obama as he winked at Netanyahu and rubbed his shoulders. “Israel and my little Bibi have to come first.’
Netanyahu told the press that the ceremony would have an Iran theme and would include a number of songs he has personally chosen. They include Celine Dion’s “A Nuke Day Has Come,” and the Burt Bacharach favorite, “Rockets Keep Fallin’ on My Head,” leading into the popular song from “Annie” that begins, “Hassan’ll come out to mar us.”
Netanyahu said he has also created a congressional sing-along, with Republicans participating in rousing renditions of “Yes, Sir, That’s My Bibi” and “Embraceable Jew.”
National Security Adviser Susan Rice will perform, “It’s Too Partisan, and I’ll Cry If I Want To” and President Obama agreed to sing Simon and Garfunkel’s “I Am Barack, I’m on an Island.”
A White House spokesman announced that Senate Majority Leader John Binary, credited as the shadchan for the couple, will officiate and has promised not to cry.
Former Secretary of State Hilary Clinton will serve as Best Man.