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Drunken Noah Arrested; Runs Ark Cruise Ship Aground

Drunken Noah Arrested; Runs Ark Cruise Ship Aground

A huge cruise ship carrying thousands of passengers, mostly animals with a handful of overworked human crew members, ran aground off the coast of Turkey late last week amidst heavy rains. .

The ship’s captain, Noah Fonzierelli, was seen in a life boat — witnesses say he jumped in, he maintains he was pushed — about ten minutes after the ship began to take on water.

A spokesman for the cruise line, Aardvark Arks, said he regretted the tragedy, and noted: “This was Noah’s first time at the helm of the ship, which he spent many years building.”

Initial tests indicated that the captain may have been overcome from the constant rain and from fumes inhaled over a period of 40 days from countless animals onboard.

Noah could not be reached, leaving word that he was seeking solace with his two daughters and a jug of wine.