The Jewish Week is always here for you.
We need your support now.
Your contribution will help us bring you vital news
and frequent updates about the impact of COVID-19.
Battle of the Sexes: Revisited

Battle of the Sexes: Revisited

I hadn’t heard from my most recent date in a few days and was starting to develop a complex.

Was I doing something wrong to scare these men off?

I mean, a few times in a row now, after a good phone conversation or a date that seemed promising, the men suddenly removed themselves from my stratosphere. Quietly, deliberately, and completely.

I was beginning to wonder if they ever existed in the first place?

Which is why I was majorly relieved when my latest date did actually call. Or as my English friends would say, rang me up.

“What did you think of our date?” he asked, considering he is Israeli and therefore direct.

I told him that he seemed like a sweet, smart, kind man. And that I thought he was cute. I was definitely open to seeing him again.

And since I am American, I kept a few things to myself, namely that he seemed very low energy to me. Which is another way of saying, Wake up! Or as a four-year-old I adore likes to say, often a bit too early in the morning, “Rise and shine!”

But I figured he was worth another shot. I mean, how much can you tell from a one-hour meeting with a stranger?

Depends on who you ask.

“I also enjoyed meeting you,” said my date. “But I’m not sure there is something romantic between us.”

Which is code for: I’m just not so attracted to you.

“Let me ask you something,” said I. “Do you always know right away whether you are romantically interested in a woman?”

He said yes. So that, as they say, is that.

But because we seemed to have such a mutual fan club going on, we agreed to meet up again to see a movie and to be friends.

And when I think about it, I wasn’t so drawn to him romantically, either. Which is code for: I also wasn’t so attracted to him. Which was funny because he was certainly my type, and by that I mean, bookish, rail thin, and long-faced.

But because I am female, I was willing to disregard my “gut” about him and be open. Because that’s what we women do, especially we women of a “certain age.” I mean, after a certain point, if we only go for men who get us all hot and bothered, we won’t be going out much at all.

Or in my case, I’ll only be going out with narcissistic writers in a serious pair of glasses. And that is a recipe for disaster!

Men are different, though. In my experience, men feel no compulsion to force themselves to be open to an “appropriate” woman. Or to apologize. Even if the man in question is himself getting up there in years, overweight, unemployed and living with his mother, he still feels it is his Hashem-given right to only date a woman who makes him giddy with desire.

So who is right?

I don’t really know.

I think I admire men for their unwavering confidence that their gut is right. And for their sense of entitlement.

In the meantime, I will try to both be open and find the one man who makes my heart sing. Hopefully, this will be embodied in a single human being!

read more: