“I’m just feeling so happy and optimistic about my dating life,” I told my friend as big, fat tear drops splattered onto my cheeks.
I had just finished reading the very sunny dating book, Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism To Find Your Perfect Match” by Amy Spencer, and I was feeling, well, Utterly Dejected.
Not because I disliked the book.
On the contrary, I liked this book very much. In fact, in the dating and relationship oeuvre (pronounced rather Frenchily) that is chock full of really rotten and stupid guides for the single and perplexed, I give this one top marks.
To begin with, it does not put down its single readers nor advocate changing who we are. Instead, it is all about keeping our spirits up through positive thinking and visualization. And, in contrast to Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, that recently caused a big buzz, Spencer tells us never to settle but to hold out for our “big, bad, wonderful love.”
So that alone is worth its weight in gold. Plus, the author is likable. She is funny and smart and it is clear that she really has been there, which is comforting considering so many dating “experts” have never been single a moment in their lives.
And yet, at the end of the day, not even this nice and smart Amy Spencer has the formula for finding love.
She quotes experts and scientists, sure. And they have done studies that visualization works. But still, it’s all just conjecture. As I always like to say, if someone in Auschwitz had conjured up some very vivid and rosy thoughts of flying away to freedom, would they not have been killed?
Which is another way of saying, I’m obsessed with the Holocaust.
No, which is another way of saying, we just don’t know what the future will bring. Sure, being positive and optimistic makes everything, not just love, better. But who is to say that even if all the dating optimists quoted in the book who had found their one true love had remained determined pessimists that they still would not have met their matches?
I mean, all of these success stories are told in hindsight. And it is easy to look back and say, once I started smiling and was open to the universe, that is when I met my beshert!
In other words, people, I am done with all the dating books. Even the nice ones. From now on I am only reading books that are going to engage my mind and imagination – not give me another formula for finding love.
That I will just have to leave to fate.