New York — President Donald Trump and First Lady Melania hosted a Purim party at the Russian Tea Room in New York City on Thursday night, which he deemed “a huge success, huge.”
Music was performed by Ivan U. Lose playing “Vladimir Bist Du Schoen,” and the menu included Russian caviar, Russian dressing, and cases of the finest Russian vodka. Noted the president, “Everyone was Russian to the bathroom.”
The centerpiece of the buffet was a giant chopped liver sculpture of Vladimir Putin, with a supply of saltine crackers on the side. “We called it Putin on the Ritz,” the president said.
Some cabinet members were seen playing Russian roulette, with ammunition provided by the NRA, and Ivanka Trump sold Russian gems and trinkets, under a large banner that read “Save Soviet Jewelry.”
Despite the distinct Russian theme, President Trump denied any ties to the Soviet country. “I’ve never met Putin and I have no deals in Russia,” he insisted. “Nyet, nyet, nyet.” He did acknowledge, though, that he visited a large expanse of northeast Asia some years ago where he was a contender for a major post. “I guess you could say I was a Manchurian candidate,” Trump said.
Asked why he was wearing a baseball cap with the letters USSR on it, the President explained it was a gift of Russian President Putin. “It’s the initials of my new slogan: Upend Sanity, Stage Revolt.”