Sometimes Bill Clinton reminds me of Professor Marvel, all hokum and a rolodex full of the "Crowned Heads of Europe."

The other week, Mr. Clinton was trying to convince FIFA that the World Cup in 2022 should be in the United States. Why, of course, Dorothy, said Professor Marvel, if the United States was granted the right to host the World Cup, "we would set new standards in environmental responsibility by minimizing the footprint of the event in six core areas: water, waste, energy, transportation, procurement and climate change."

That’s not hokum, dear Dorothy, you have to believe that if the United States would host dozens of soccer games while building and adjusting facilities to be first class accomodations for thousands of visiting players and officials it would all end up being good for… climate change?

You can imagine how all the Jews who think "Tikkun Olam" is an actual phrase that real Jews use (real Jews only invoke "Tikkun Olam" when saying Aleinu, or trying to pick up a non-Orthodox girl, or hustling a politician) are now nodding their heads wisely, saying, "Hmmm, that’s right, having the World Cup will fulfill Tikkun Olam in so many ways, from waste management to cooling the planet."

Meanwhile, the world laughs. Just as the Crowned Heads of Europe blew off Obama when he tried to get the Olympics here because his own personal story was just so compelling, now the world laughs in Professor Marvel’s face when he makes his Tikkun Olam pitch for the World Cup.

On Dec. 2 the wise men of FIFA gave the World Cup to Qatar — where no one gives a damn about climate change (they call it summer) and no one thinks for a second that it has anything to do with soccer.