I was playing the matchmaker, in an indirect sort of way.
That’s why I brought a close friend along to dinner with a lovely couple I like so much I always want to give them a standing ovation. I figured they might know a fabulous man for my fabulous friend.
Which is another way of saying, everyone at the table was a gay man except for me.
Which is another way of saying, I had a wonderful time.
During this dinner I learned two things. First, the Hebrew slang for "in" – as in the very right now fish restaurant we ate at on the port in Yaffo – is called, "in-eee." Like the belly button.
And second, that when it comes to men and matchmaking, it is totally acceptable to ask “what is your friend looking for” and be referring specifically to looks.
Now let us pause here for a moment and consider the exact same scenario happening between a single, straight woman and the straight woman (married or single) trying to set her up. If looks come up at all, they are mentioned only as an after-thought. Why? Because women who specifically inquire about looks or share their “type” are considered to be the worst kind of shallow.
Take a slice of my own life.
Many years ago a married girlfriend wanted to introduce me to a guy who was, by all account, quite overweight.
“I’m not attracted to fat guys,” I told her.
She did not like this. I was closing myself off to a potential partner. I was being narrow-minded and shallow. She herself always dated hotties while she was single but she married a loveable (and cute) guy who nonetheless does not sport abs of steel, so…
“Who wants abs of steel?” I butted in. I personally don’t even like muscular men. I like skinny men. I just don’t like fat.
In the end the guy never called. When my girlfriend found out she was livid. “What happened? Did his head get stuck in a Doritos bag and he couldn’t find the phone?” was her memorable response.
Let us now return to the original story, whose point is that according to my non-professional opinion, men in general feel it is their rightful due to say the “look” that attracts them. Even men who are no beauties themselves have no qualms about dismissing a woman if she is not pretty to them. Of course there are exceptions, there are always exceptions, but I am speaking in generalities here.
While in general women are quicker to force themselves to look past looks if the men have other qualities they are looking for. The exception here is the issue of height. Women are downright ghastly about wanting all men to be tall.
If you’re wondering when I’m going to get to the point here it is: When it comes to romance, we cannot dismiss attraction. This isn’t to say that looks should matter above all else, but rather, we (women) are entitled to include looks in the equation.
Which is another way of saying, learn a little something from our gay brothers and brothers, people, and if the thought of kissing a man makes you want to hop on a plane to Tahiti (alone) then you do not have to date him! Even if he’s kind and sweet and owns his own business….
So. For the curious. I’m going for the Frank Zappa look. Or even just a nice pair of glasses and a long face.
And my friend?
He’s looking for a cute, dark skinned Yemenite man. Any eligibles who fit these descriptions can be sent to Jerusalem, post haste.