Blame it on the singer-songwriter online radio station I was feeding my brain like so much cotton candy.
I mean, how many Gillian Welch – Carly Simon – Jackson Browne – Lyle Lovett songs can a gal listen to before her brain goes into a sugar coma?
Which is another way of saying I was reading Jdate Success Stories. Oh yes, people, you can read first-hand accounts of all those dewy eyed couples who met and married through everyone’s favorite Jewish love portal.
All I ask is what about the Jdate horror stories? Or the Jdate divorces?
But that’s just the optimist in me.
The pessimist wants to point out that the couples featured are so, um, booooring! Call me a jerk, but how yawn-central are these couples who think they are so unique but whose stories are exactly, and I mean, exactly, the same – with only the particulars changing?
Allow me, your cranky hostess, to lay out the "Jdate Success Story" template.
First there is the Jewish Mother who goads her unmarried child to find a "nice Jewish girl/boy." Often the desperate mom even picks up the hefty Jdate tab.
Then there is an explanation for why they were single in the first place, usually with one half of the party having "just gotten out of something serious." This leads them to sign up for Jdate, often either on a dare or just for a laugh. And naturally the very first moment they log on is when their future betrothed got in touch. Annoying, no?
But what will really make you want to hurl yourself out the window is that, time after time, the emphasis of these love stories is not so much on the love story itself – who they are, what their struggle for love was like, why they were drawn to each other – but rather, on the chronology and logistics of their first date.
I am not kidding when I tell you that most of the entries focus on when he instant messaged her but since she missed the message she later called him back and got his voicemail but he finally reached her only she was getting her nails done so she had to call him back…..
Is everyone a giant bore or did Jdate encourage people to be the ‘Accuaries of Love,’ chronicling the figures and mileage and phone logs of the courtship at the expense of the human story behind it?
Which is another way of saying, everyone needs a good editor, including and not excluding Jdate!
But what you’re probably wondering is if all of these entries are so gosh darn boring to someone as sparkling and fascinating as moi, then why am I even read them in the first place? Is there a gun to my head making me scroll through story after story until my eyes glaze over? Perhaps you’re wondering if subconsciously I also yearn to be a Jdate Success Story?
Or if not a Jdate Success Story then a story with a happy ending?